Rai$e your firework, ’cause we r born this way

Pink and Ke$ha. Courtesy of Google Images.

Ke$ha’s “We R Who We R”, Katy Perry’s “Firework,” Pink’s “Raise Your Glass,” and Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way” all have a common theme: self-confidence.

In response to the string of suicides in the LGBT community, many of the reigning pop queens looked to inspire youth to be themselves in the face of adversity.

This clearly is a message that many were hoping to hear as all of the songs found major success in sales on the Billboard Top 100 Chart.

In fact, each song has reached number one during its time on the chart, and they all currently remain in the top 20.

However, these songs fail to fully separate themselves from stereotypical, cookie-cutter, sexualized pop music.

“We R Who We R” urges the listener to “live it up” while looking “sick and sexified.”

Someone should explain to Ke$ha that those are two terms that simply do not mesh.

That aside, the song is about independence and being true to yourself rather than listening to the opinions of others, or, as in the case of previous songs, brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack. Still, the message is slightly mixed.

Sending even more of a mixed message is Pink, with “Raise Your Glass.” Again, the song is mostly about getting as drunk as possible and having a rocking good time – not the greatest message to send to the world.

But she certainly sends a message of independence with, “All my underdogs, we will never be anything but loud and nitty gritty dirty little freaks.”

Pink seems to encourage her listeners to drink heavily to celebrate everyone’s differences. Maybe individualism can be accepted without substances?

Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. Courtesy of Google Images.

“Firework” sends a clean, simple message.

The video addresses topics such as self-image, domestic violence and cancer, while Perry says, “You don’t have to feel like a waste of space. You’re original, cannot be replaced.”

All in all, the lyrics are not exactly quality material. It sounds like she took a stack of Hallmark cards and picked a line from each. But the song does have a very inspiring and powerful message, even if it’s trite.

The music video, however, pushes barriers that are not so common by featuring two men kissing. Perry’s video definitely pushed her song to the top of the charts by making her message of inspiration to the downtrodden perfectly clear.

Gaga’s “Born this Way” reads like a proclamation for individualism. “I’m beautiful in my way,” she says, “I’m on the right track, baby – I was born this way.”

She also is the most blatant in addressing LGBT issues in possibly the most controversial way

The chorus of her song says, “A different lover is not a sin, believe capital H-I-M.” Gaga states that she does not believe that God thinks homosexuality is a sin.

Gaga also sings, “No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track baby. I was born to survive.”

Lady Gaga clearly takes a stand for the LGBT rights, and uses her song to encourage the community and others to accept themselves for who they are.

Other than encouraging confidence and independence, all four songs are lacking one of the most common components of pop- love.

All four artists leave out any mention of romance or relationship entanglements. Given that the vast majority of radio hits focus on romance in some way, this is a refreshing change of pace.

It seems that the queens of pop want us to love ourselves and accept others. These songs will hopefully spread a message that influences the youth of America.

Fatties Need Not Apply

Could this be what is on your dating site?  Courtesy of Google Images.

Could this be your blind date from a dating site? Courtesy of Google Images.

When I order textbooks from Amazon, I expect exactly what is in the picture and description. “Like New” translates in my mind to saving some $800 on this one used book, though from the appearance whomever last possessed the book clearly had no interest in Fundamental Foundations of Functional Financial Accounting, or whatever text my absurd ex-major requires. Thus, teasing me with “like new” and then sending me “acceptable” is simply unacceptable.

Dating sites should work the same way. If I so choose to pay a hefty portion of writer’s salary to ensure I am only dating non-hefty hotties, I want to be ensured I am getting what I paid for and will not have to go through the awkward “return process” or excruciating first date.

So thank you, Mr. Robert Hintze, for not “letting fatties roam [your] site,” BeautifulPeople.com. The website axed over 5000 members for recent holiday weight gain.

Anyone who dares slack on their eating disorders over this crucial time before the pinnacle of romance itself (Valentine’s Day) deserves to be unceremoniously tossed on their muffin-stuffed asses to forage through the world of excruciatingly average people populating the mainstream dating sites.

Those of us who proudly continue to allow our militaristic workout routines consume our livelihoods shouldn’t be burdened with those who cave at the first site of grandma’s homemade cooking or nephew’s earnestly presented 900-calorie gingerbread man.

If you are going to advertise yourselves as the “sexiest website in the world today” and guarantee “dates that will always be beautiful,” you can’t beat around the bush (god forbid) on fatties. Welcome to capitalism kids; false advertising is not accepted, and fat only correlates to beautiful for those obviously less motivated or less occupied with physical appearance.

Want people to look past the surface? Value your intelligence or wit? Join a dating site that tailors to those banalities or believes in such things as the subjectivity of beauty.

Thankfully Hintze has a clear-cut, non-refutable answer to such pompous, post-modernist perceptions of beauty and implements his innovative take on sex-appeal right on the site through a sliding scale of user ratings. Each person has a myriad of pictures to browse through so that the validity of their beauty can be clearly determined without the deception of camera tricks and light angles.

Once you have properly sorted through a portion of the individual’s representational narcissism, you then scientifically calculate viaAmerica's Increasing Waist Linemeasurement of your blood pressure and personal envy exacting how beautiful on a zero-to-10 scale each person is. As more people view each person’s page, the number is actualized and solidified – as there is undoubtedly consensus. Even more importantly, as each person adds recent pictures to their page, their attractiveness can be tracked through the development of their work out routine and “eating” habits.

Therefore, when some undeserving fatty manages to finagle their unruly thighs into the site, they are quickly exposed for the fleshy miscreants they are.
Way to go, BeautifulPeople! One more step toward sterilizing the whole overweight population entirely.

All opinions expressed in Opinion & Editorial pieces are the opinions expressed by the author and not the Megaphone staff in general.  Thank you.