Dan Brown Wows With New Literary Masterwork

Dan Brown, the acclaimed author of pseudo-mystery novels, recently released a new book Sept. 15, 2009, dubbed The Lost Symbol. The new novel sold over 1 million copies the first day.

According to an interview with Dan Brown himself, he specifically tailored to a variety of different readers. “I tried to mix in a bunch of different stereotypes in order to increase readership and pay my debt to some Mexican drug lords,” Brown said.

Interviewers were puzzled about this snarky comment and questioned further.

Brown described the book’s stereotypes as a compilation between characters from Star Wars, the Red Sox and Snow White.

“You know, everyone loves a book that includes a Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader plot, or a rivalry like that of the Yankees and the Red Sox, or even something really arbitrary like Snow White versus the Witch.”

The interviewers exchanged puzzled looks and decided to leave, but not before Dan continued his diatribe.

“I owe it to Kanye West. He was a complete asshole to Taylor Swift. That’s the type of plot in The Lost Symbol: consistent, predictable baggery. Thanks Kanye, you’re the best.”

Dan Brown finally realized the stunned faces of the interviewers and decided to recant his statements about why his book is worth reading and why so many people have purchased the Symbol. “It’s my use of italics, honestly. I use italics strategically-it’s a secret art in the literary world. Every now and then I italicize a random word. The readers love it! When all else fails, it’s the ultimate page turner. Reader’s think ‘What does this mean?’ That’s right, reader, you don’t know what’s up.”

This interview was censored and has not been released to the public until now. It had nothing to do with Dan Brown; it was reported some interviewers slit their wrists after the interview. Dan Brown: a literary genius.

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