What Will Become of the Cullen Webcam?

Written by Lane S. Hill
Megaphone Web Editor

Q: Hi, Lane! I’m here to ask a tech question! The webcam that was monitoring the production of that new Admissions building was switched to the production of that new Lifelong building. What will happen afterward?


Everyone is delighted that the new Admissions building (which will ever be called the new Admissions building), is finished. But the next question on everyone’s mind is this – what will happen to the web camera that used to display the wonderful construction of a building that almost none of us will step inside, ever?

Easy. They moved the camera so that all of us in Internet Land can watch the construction of the new Center for Lifelong Learning, which will always be called the “Lifelong Learning” building, and a building that maybe a half of all students on campus will enter at least once in their lives.

It’s actually very exciting. I saw a construction worker pick his nose for three hours. It was a thrilling piece of cinematography.

But then, all of us in the networked lands wonder – what is next? Where will our beloved webcam go? Will it be fed? Properly taken care of? Will it be potty trained and learn how to sleep at night properly without the grackles pecking it? ITS refused to answer this question, but they did tell me the best way to get rid of a nasty virus on my computer.

But I have discovered the truth! And I’m blowing this case WIDE open.

I have obtained a videotape of people from ITS discussing ideas on how to incorporate the construction to their new fledging portal, My Dot Southwestern. Someone says “Let’s move the web camera from Cullen, to the site of the construction of the Admissions Building, so that people can watch it.” Everyone agrees this was a good idea.

And so, that’s what they did! The decision to move it to the site of the Lifelong Learning Building was a relatively new decision, made under the covers by the ITS Illuminati. But this reporter cracked into their secret vault underneath Cullen and recovered Document #0010F.

Now, you are probably wondering who the hell is the ITS illuminati, and how the hell they are an Illuminati organization. Well, it’s quite simple. In the organization of ITS, there is a core group of individuals, who control every aspect of the organization. Since the entire school is ran on technology, that means they control the school! Since this school is so important in everyone’s life, they control the world!

But what is this document? It is a secret (obviously, from it’s cryptic name) removed from all listed ITS documents. It tells the future of the web camera, as well as the plans for future ITS projects, such as the giant mechanical space dragon. It also lists things such as who really killed President McKinley, but that’s for another article and day.

This is what Document #0010F says:

“After the construction of the future home of the Elves that plague the west side of campus, we will move the camera in front to watch the entrance of the Joe S. Mundy building to watch for zombie Mayans, buried in that mysterious little ditch, who will raise from the dead because of the events of December 12, 2012.”

It should be noted that this part of Document #0010F was written in a sort of blue ink that fizzed when I exposed it to the air. I got some on me, and my hand promptly fell off. I would sue, but no lawyer is willing to take a case against the ITS Illuminati. They are all afraid to tackle it…to destroy it. Because they know it controls them, and it controls everything. One day…it’ll destroy everything.

But on the cheery side, we know what will happen to our poor web camera after construction of the Lifelong Learning Center. Remember, dear readers: knowledge is half the power!

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