College Board Introduces BEER

After years of receiving complaints for ineffective prediction, the College Board has revised the SAT to feature, what CEO Gaston Caperton calls, “a totally awesome set of predictors for college success.” This Monday the company introduced the new test called BEER, “Better and more Effective Evaluation of Reasoning,” which features drinking tests, beer-pong skills assessments and dancing contests.

If You Can Read This, You’re Not Abroad

Passport? Check. Immunization shots? Check. Appreciation for foreign experiences in even more foreign places? Check! New York, here I come.

Why Windows 7 Sucks and Is Evil

I am so disappointed. I was so excited to get my new shining copy of Windows 7, and then I installed it and well, what the hell, Microsoft?

Concerned Parent Writes to Andrew Dornon

A concerned parent writes to our Humor Editor about the H1N1 vaccine.

George W. Bush Wins Nobel Peace Prize

It was announced Thursday that the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize would be awarded to former United States President George W. Bush.

Wake Up, America!

The good and mostly old, white men of Wall Street have been abused and harangued for far too long. After decades of oppression, government involvement and regulation forced them into a painful financial meltdown.

Recession is Over

Dan Brown Wows With New Literary Masterwork

Dan Brown, the acclaimed author of pseudo-mystery novels, recently released a new book Sept. 15, 2009, dubbed The Lost Symbol.

What’s Happening Around Campus?

A select handful of events that’s been happening around campus.

Chasing the Golden Snitch: Quidditch at SU

Two dozen students gathered outside the Corbin J. Robertson Center on Thursday in an attempt to coax the Southwestern athletic department into adopting quidditch as a sport. “I don’t think it’s a reach,” one student said, “especially since we just added lacrosse, and no one knows what that is. I mean, everyone knows what quidditch is.”

Robotany

Backpage Editor Not Funny Anymore; Asked to Resign

In what was a really uncomfortable situation for all Megaphone staff involved, long standing humor and satire section editor Vickie Valadez was asked to leave staff position yesterday.